JANUARY SUMMARY

A wee reminder of my targets:
1. Write a book.
2. Run a 10km race.
3. Do at least 20 hours of some volunteering/charity work.
4. Record an album.
5. Learn a language.
6. The Three Peaks Challenge.
7. Raise at least £1,000 for charity.
8. Knit a jumper.
9. Go to, on average, one museum a month.
10. Read 10 books in a month.
11. Introduce tea/coffee to my life and regularly eat at least 3 fruits.
12. Clear out my garage.

And here's my progress:
1. Incomplete
2. Incomplete
3. Incomplete
4. Incomplete
5. Incomplete
6. Incomplete
7. Incomplete
8. Incomplete
9. Incomplete
10.Incomplete
11.Incomplete
12.Incomplete

It's handy that I'm quite patient. Otherwise I would freak out. It's all under control though, despite the evidence. Trust me.

So Far To Go In So Little/Much Time (depending on your viewpoint).

Why anyone, literally anyone, would want to take up knitting is beyond me.

I spent last Saturday afternoon going round a friend's house, with my wife, to knit. It turns out, unsurprisingly, that everyone else there was female, and liked talking about Les Miserable and Mary Berry's baking. I felt very out of my depth. Especially when a pregnant lady turned up. The host was lovely and did her best to help me but I just couldn't get it. I was so bad in fact that I ended up HAVING to go to pub to watch the football and have a pint, by myself. If only to let my balls grow back. Sorry for that image.

Anyway, on Sunday, my Mother-in-law came round and showed me some knitting on a one-to-one basis. She did not come round especially for that reason (she was actually just picking something up if you must know) (and that something was laundry) (God, you're nosy). I seemed to be getting the hang of it. Until she left. Then it went tits up again.

Here is a photo of my appalling attempt to do some knitting. The good 90% was done by my wife's mum. The shit 10% was done by me.

It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't trying.

I am actually a bit freakin' scared about all of my objectives. I haven't completed one of them.

I got a 1-to-1 tutor to help me with my Italian but cancelled it because it was too expensive. 

I actually have loads of shit on in February so reading 10 books in a month is a bit mental (you may recall that constitutes over 100 pages a day, if you were avid enough to read my previous blog).

And I haven't run half a mile since the snow last week. Or the week before that. 

I'm practically a rock star.

I really do want to do all these things. I promise. I'm just...I don't know...incompetent. My philosophy is: it will all turn out OK. A bit like a Disney film but without the soundtrack. 

Anyway, on a positive note (hurray!), a sixth former of mine produced a poster for a gig that he is organising and my name is on it. So I've been booked for another gig AND my name is on some shiny paper. All this, I keep on telling myself, is helping me achieve my record-an-album objective. So that's something. If very little.

The Numbers Behind The Words. A Geek's Entry.

So I was doing a bit of prep for my February Challenge (the read-10-books-in-a-month if you’ve been following). It turns out that I have an average of 293.4 pages per book to read. I figure that if I up my total number of pages by 66, then the average number of pages will be a sweet, sweet 300 per book.

I like numbers OK? Get over it.

So I’m currently on the look-out for a book with at least 206 pages to replace The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, which is only a measly 140 pages.

I’m going to assume you like numbers because you’re still reading, so here are some more.

The average number of words per page (according to a number of sources that I am too lazy to list) is 250. If I get my average number of pages to 300, that’s a total of 75,000 words per book and 750,000 words in total.

To complete this challenge, I will have to read a whopping 26,786 words every day. Or, and this seems much better: 107 pages. Still difficult. But better.

That was a nice bit of procrastination. Now I should probably do the washing up.

My First Gig and YouTube Upload!

As I explained way back in blog number 1, I couldn’t give myself this as a ‘challenge’ because I had already organised it at the end of 2012. I thought it would be cheating if I set that as a target for 2013. Despite that, I do feel a bit proud that I finally managed to perform a few of my own songs to a crowd. And by crowd I mean about 20 people. And half of them were friends. But I’m still happy nonetheless. And relieved. Mainly relieved.

The Brickmakers, where I wowed an under-capacity crowd, were nice enough to film it for me, as was the other band. So I ended up with two videos of my slot. They’re only about 20 minutes long. And I thought that, despite not liking listening to myself, that I should upload one of them because I can only assume that you were reading this to fulfil your intrigue. Hopefully this video will satisfy it as well as provide further evidence that I have every intention to complete my ultimate challenge (of 12 smaller ones).

I am also hoping that I can get feedback from this for my future album, which will be recorded at some point this year by someone with something. It’s also worth mentioning that an album recorded in a studio or via other media will probably sound better than my live, nervous recording, via camcorder, that I have supplied you with here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKl0OhrF6S4&feature=youtu.be

Thanks for supporting me in my quest to better/punish myself. I think it is probably too early to tell of progress in my betterment/punishment but this is a sizable start. I like to tell myself.

Revelation about a Resolution (Seriously, I don't know how I'm going to keep up these fantastic titles)

OK. Teachers have it quite easy. A third snow day has meant I now have a 5 day weekend. We work bloody hard (most of us) but come the holidays, weekends, and snow days I count my blessings. If I was not a teacher I may not have had the time today to, for instance, watch Lord of the Rings, do a mini workout, and reward myself with a few beers. I have also written a list. A lovely list, figuring out how many ‘Free Days’ I have this year. And, if you let me, I intend to share this knowledge with you.

By free day (I can’t be bothered with the quotation marks now) I mean either a weekend or holiday day. And for non-teachers out there; I don’t mean to rub it in your face just how much time we have off. I urge anyone to teach teenagers who don’t want to be in school, who hate everything, last thing on a Friday, Maths. But (he says having another swig of a Bud whilst you’re probably still at work, tired and depressed) I found out that in fact, despite my instinct, February is actually a pretty reasonable month to get my read-ten-books-in-a-month challenge completed.

Please refer to the table below to follow my next few sentences.

August has by far the most amount of free days (of 31) but that is also the time I intend to do the three-peaks challenge as well as, probably, cram in some museums, volunteering and maybe even go away with my wife on holiday before she enjoys/endures/suffers becoming a Newly Qualified Teacher in September. April is the second best on the surface but, in reality, that is when we intend to go away for our 1 year Anniversary. December is next, which is leaving it a bit late, even for me, not to mention it’ll be December when I will probably cram in knitting a jumper, learning Italian, finally eat some horrible, horrible fruit and of course… do Christmas. In fourth place comes May, with 14 free days and fifth comes February with 13.

I would like to rule out May for the time being and have it as a back-up if February fails me. I also think it will prove important to complete at least one of my challenges by March so that I, and everyone else for that matter, actually believe(s) that I can do this.

My book list has changed from the 6th as I have had a few recommendations from others. Plus I wanted to read the Hobbit. I would still love to hear other suggestions. For this challenge to be of any worth I think it’s important that the average page count of each books is well over 200. Bring on Challenge #10.

Thanks, in advance, for your support, encouragement and admiration.

Table Ordering Preferable Months To Accomplish Challenge Number 10 a.k.a The Mental Book Challenge (to some, perhaps reading 10 books in one month, whilst having a full-time job, sounds easy. To whom I say 'Fuck you'.

Month	Amount of Free Days	Order from best to worst
February	13	5
March	12	7
April	18	2
May	14	4
June	11	10
July	13	5
August	31	1
September	12	7
October	12	7
November	10	11
December	16	3

Benvenuti amici!

Some Italian for you there. It means, "Welcome, friends". And, yes, I may have copied it from Google Translate. That as it may, I have decided to stick with learning Italian as opposed to German (you may recall my decision of choosing a harder language that sounds, in some people's minds, sexier,or an easier language that sounds, in some people's minds, like chewing aluminium). 

I've purchased a program from Learn Direct via Groupon and it is excellent. And it really has confirmed to me that the Italian language just sounds so poetic and beautiful whatever your saying.

For instance, say:

Il gabinetto delle donne

It just rolls off the tongue doesn't it? It actually means Ladies Toilet. Why this should be one of the first phrases Learn Direct want me learn, I don't know. But the point remains that I am happy in my choice. For now.

ALSO, I've been practising my set list for next week. Having 2 snow days (that's right!) has been a massive help. If it keeps snowing, I might just start believing in Jesus. Anyway, I think I've got it sorted. And by sorted, I mean that I probably wont die on my arse, but survive and play about 7 songs.

Monday, 21st January at the Brickmakers, Norwich, if anyone is interested. I would put one of my songs on here but 
1) The versions I have are badly recorded
2) I don't know how to.

Instead, I will just put a picture of wife's scarf getting chewed by a horse.

 Until next time. Or, rather, arrivederci! 

The Slog (or The Slog Blog, if you prefer)

Intrigued?

Getting through the initial stage of preparing and organising this Herculean (I like to think) task that I am to endure is proving to be a bit of a slog. More sloggish though is writing about it in an entertaining way. How can I make someone lending me some knitting needles sound exciting? How can I actually draw you in with my attempt to buy yet more, yes more, loft boards? Perhaps my minor debacle with B&Q when I tried to take back a draught excluder, as it was the wrong size, and their failure to refund me because of two missing screws, might be enough to wet your appetite?

"Two screws? How fussy and pedantic, Matt!" You're probably saying. Well, exactly. But I still feel a bit cheap if I try to sell you that as a gripping story. The only things that I got particularly animated about, that happened this week, was my trip Nando's, my first visit to The Alexandra Tavern, and a game of badminton. But they're not even relevent.

A lot of people are asking, possibly out of formality rather than genuine interest, how the challenges are going. And so far, they are not going. I'm planning a lot and I have been doing a lot of thinking regarding the subject, which sort of counts in my opinion. But I cannot really say that any challenges are going. If they are going, then they are going, lethargically and begrudgingly. None of the challenges are actually going to be properly, actually, definitely starting probably for a tiny while. And in the meantime I've got to pretend like everything is OK.

So I leave you with this promise: it will get better. When I'm throwing up after forcing down a disgusting smoothie, or have broken my leg on a mountain (whilst trying to eat a smoothie), or whilst accidently stabbing myself in the eye with a knitting needle (whilst eating a smoothie and climbing a mountain), you will be the first to find out about it. .

Until next time...

A Lofty Dilemma

Groupon are doing a ‘Learn a Language’ course for £9. So I went all over that. Still undecided between German (easier) and Italian (sexier, let’s be honest).

I have also had a think about what books to read and when and have included a picture of the ones that I am probably going to read. There is quite a healthy variety of genre and books size. I think I will have to choose a month of 31 days to give myself the best possible chance for success. March is looking good for that. However, February has a half term and my wife is doing another essay so the house will be particularly quiet. What a pickle, I hear you cry. I reckon I could try it in February, with the scope of doing it a future month if I fail. Which I wont. Which I definitely wont.

My updated to-do list is as follows:

• Practice my songs more
• Run more
• Drink more tea and eat more fruit

I thought I would leave the best til last: The Garage Update. So I put some loft boards in my loft today, so that I could start to clear out my garage. My garage is so full, however, that I could not get to any of my tools to secure the loft boards. What a day.

Please feel free to recommend books (that are under 500 pages). (And good).

My Garage (and other fascinating updates!)

Quick update on progress:

(2) Run a 10km race. After my first proper run for about 3 months yesterday, my legs have forgotten how to work properly.

(3) Volunteering. I rang up an office in Norwich and the lovely lady there told me that there is a volunteering fair on the 11th February so if I do not have something sorted before then, I should on the 11th.

(4) Record an album. Met up with a friend, Alex, down the pub yesterday and he informed me that he has just bought a 4-track recording gizmo, so he can help with recording some songs. Legend!

(5) Learn a language. I have booked a free one-hour course for the 12th January to learn the basics of Italian. If I like it then I will look to do more.

(6) I have been given some information from friend Mike. Yeah… it looks pretty difficult. Apparently, to do it in 24 hours I ideally need to sort out one or two dedicated drivers to go from mountain to mountain. I will put that on my to-do list.

(8) Knit a bloody jumper. This is nightmare. I know absolutely nothing about knitting it turns out! Although I made a deal today that if I clear out my Mother-in-law’s garage and break up a wardrobe, that she would help me. That’s two garages I have to sort out now!!

(12) Sort out garage. I went to B&Q to buy loft boards. As you can see from the picture, I think that I am going to need more than two packs.

Targets (1), (7), (9), (11) and new number (10) have so far been pretty much un-thought-about. Do not judge me.

This may upset you to know but probably from now onwards I will not be able to blog every day as tomorrow Lynch and Eliot are coming round to play golf and then watch football, Sunday I’ll be recovering and Monday will be the beginning of term and, consequently, the end of free time!

I will try and make up for it with even more exciting posts. That may prove to be a challenge in itself.

The Twelfth. The Twelfth!

How did this happen? How did no one notice? I only have 11 New Year Resolutions. My compilation is incomplete! I blame all of you by the way. If I blame myself I effectively have to question my abilities of being a Maths teacher. I have given other people an opportunity to pick some for me and this is what they suggested:

• Visit the most Northerly, Easterly, Southernly and Westerly points of the UK
• Learn how to count to 12
• Keep a clean sheet this season in goal
• Enter something into a fair, such as a painting
• To become a Dad
• To create (and not buy) all greetings card for a year
• Learn how to play Fifa. This must have been suggested ironically, as I am brilliant a Fifa.
• Give up supermarkets for Lent
• Buy no new clothes for a year
• Mentor a young person
• Perform a show
• Enter a photography competition
• Do a calender
• Read 10 books in a month

I need an option that is challenging, cheap, unlike any others, something I have control over and does not require my having any children. I really wish that I could do a few of these, or even replace one or two from my original list (the fruit one and the knitting one spring to mind), but rules are rules. I want to see if it is genuinely possible to make promises and stick to them.

And so I’m going to choose (drum roll please):

Read 10 books in a month. 

I currently struggle to get through one a month so it’s going to be tough. But with your support (or books!) I can do it! This will be target number 10, as number 1-9 and 11-12 are taken! My next blog will record the process I have/have not made on these others. Stay tuned. I promise there will be a picture too!

Trying To Get Balls To Roll

Trying to get the ball rolling, or rather 12 balls, is proving quite difficult. Where do I start? What do I prioritise? I have to try and be efficient.

If I try and get fit now, I can do the Three Peaks Challenge (5) and 10km race (2) from the Summer Holiday onwards. I need to organise both probably quite a bit earlier but there is no point looking forward to them without trying to combat the mediocre level of fitness that I currently possess. If I play badminton practically every week as opposed to when I can be arsed, run 3 times a week (I currently run no times a week) and continue to play football once or twice a week, that ought to take care of it. Plus if I force the disgusting, alien-like food stuff that is fruit (11) , that should help. And if it does not help, well at least it is one of my New Year Resolutions. If I do not have the book sorted out by September I can look to do the “Write a Book in a Month” thing (1). I do not mean to sound nonchalant but I have to be practical. I also reckon that I do not have to plan going to museums too much. That can be done ad-hoc (9). The things I really need to look at now are the things that I anticipate to be time-consuming:

(3) Volunteering,

(4) Recording an album,

(5) Learning a language,

(8) Knitting a bloody jumper (I think I’m really going to regret that one),

(12) Clearing out my garage. I promise you, it is a mess.

And whilst I’m organising or doing those missions/chores, I need to be doing so whilst researching the Three Peaks Challenge (or getting Mike to do it), whilst running and eating a fruit salad. Easy.

Although, actually it is not easy. So far today I managed a 15 minute run and felt like dying. Plus, whilst I am writing this entry (multi-tasking) I am mincing a cup of tea, whilst wincing. I’m mincing and wincing. All for the sake of avoiding the numerous weird looks that come my way when I say that I do not drink tea or coffee. Judgmental bastards. Plus, I told my Mum of my plans last night and she reminded me that I planned to replace my headlight in my Vauxhall Corsa about a month ago and that I still haven’t done it.

If I do not succeed in this challenge (as in, my mega-challenge - not replacing a headlight) it will probably be because of my absent-mindedness and not my lack of desire to better myself. Maybe people with worse memories do not succeed as much as those with better ones? Just a week ago I took some CDs back to the library, only to leave my CDs at home. When my car tax was due for renewal, I realised that I had been driving without an M.O.T for 5 months. The fact that I make it to work everyday is a bloody surprise given my track-record for forgetting things.

Note to self: I must keep up this blog so that I do not forget important things. I must be disciplined. I must drink this awful cup of tea…

My Challenges

Deciding on what New Year Resolutions to set myself could affect the next year of my life. Especially if I am actually going to fulfil my pledges. So choosing the right ones for me is important. I have no idea why people choose to do things such as “Do not each meat for a year” or “Do not drink for a year”. Eating meat and drinking beer, especially together, creates too good a feeling to deny. If that is to lose weight, then fair enough, but my resolutions need still need to make me happy. I should not have to compromise anything, otherwise the activity is worthless - what is the point of generating happiness through reaching a goal if you have to sacrifice something just as valuable?

So I need to chose things that will challenge me but at the same time not things that will disrupt my life and cause grievances. I want to carry on doing the activities that I do such as play football, play guitar, see family and friends, write music reviews etc. but use the less productive time… doing something more productive! Chilling with a beer whilst playing Fifa and listening to music is not a process I envisage altering although I am aware that my priorities may change if I have bigger fish to fry. Of course the challenges cannot be too vague. Saying that you want to get stronger, or read more, or save more, is too ambiguous. If I did 20 press-ups everyday for just one week, the strength in my arms would increase, but only by an insignificantly small amount. A target needs to be measurable. To say that I will do 20 press-ups everyday of the year is measurable because you will know if you have achieved it or not (this is not one of my targets by the way. There is less of a need to try and impress others when you are married.) I want to choose promises that I will be proud of, I want have accomplishments this year, not related to work, and I want to be challenged. Another limitation is money. My wife is training to do a P.G.C.E to become a Primary teacher, and so there is currently only one salary paying for the mortgage. So ideally these targets should cost me very little indeed, which rules out joining a gym (yes!).

I also am ruling out the possibility of adding or altering New Year Resolutions throughout the year because that will only work against me. This will prevent me from changing my target if it becomes too difficult. I know that people can achieve without setting targets. I managed last year to get married, get a small promotion at school and catch up with Game of Thrones, and that was without trying. I want to find out just how realistic it is to set ambitious targets, and reach them.

After spending yesterday and today thinking about them, and after receiving suggestions from friends, this is what I have come up with. Twelve challenges, one for each month, to be completed in any order, and to be documented so you can join me in my glories or laugh at my failures.

1. Write a book. This could be a short story, a novel, or a factual book.

2. Run a 10km race. For an extremely fit person this would probably be easy. I am not one of those people.

3. Do at least 20 hours of some volunteering/charity work. I am hoping that it will be much more than this but I really have no idea how much time I am going to have.

4. Record an album. I’ll definitely do it this year!

5. Learn a language. See what I mean by time consuming?

6. The Three Peaks Challenge, which is climbing the three highest peaks in England, Wales and Scotland, in 24 hours. My friend, Mike, managed it a couple of years ago, so I’ve just asked him to see if he fancied doing it again.

7. Raise at least £1,000 for charity. I’m hoping Objectives 2,3 and 6 will take care of this but if not, I’ll have to think of some other way!

8. Knit a jumper in time for next Christmas. Thanks Adele. My wife gave me this challenge after I was moaning about how shops have the cheek to charge £40 for a jumper that anyone could knit one themselves for a fiver. Me and my stupid, stupid mouth.

9. Go to, on average, one museum a month. I also want to visit, on average, one gig a month but because this has a greater chance of costing more money, this is not an official target.

11. Introduce tea/coffee to my life and regularly eat at least 3 fruits (I basically only eat apples and this is when forced by society). For those of your who know me, you will understand just how difficult this will be for me. I hate fruit and tea/coffee and although this will not make me happy in the short term, it will help be in the long term when people start treating me like a real person.

12. Clear out my garage. OK, it is not a noble promise, but it really is a mess.

I must admit that when I told my wife of my plans she gave me the rather expected, yet honest response,

“Matt, you often say that you are going to do things and don’t. What about the album you were going to record last? And how do you think you are going to manage all these things if, in a couple of months, you have sixty reports to write for school? There may be such a thing as too ambitious!”

Whether she wanted to or not, bless her, that was exactly the push I needed.

I just received a text message. Mike just said yes!

My Conundrum

And here we are. It’s the beginning of a New Year and a lot of us are probably questioning if we should bother thinking of a New Year’s Resolution. If I was a betting man, I would predict that practically everyone who makes a resolution, or a number of them, do so with good intentions, but are more than aware that one of two of their promises are brought forward from last year’s unsuccessful attempt(s). They want to better themselves, but actually, if they are truly honest with themselves, it is a futile attempt at being someone they are not.

I, for one, used to be against it, as a notion. I figured that if I wanted to do something, then I would just do it. I did not need to tell myself to do it at the beginning of the year. Plus circumstances can change your chances of success. If I made a resolution to not drink for a year, I may be taken on a stag do and forced to do 14 shots of Jagermeister (this actually happened although I did not have the delusion of making that ridiculous and unreasonable promise). If I made the resolution to read a novel every month, I may become blinded in a freak golfing accident (I actually did make this resolution about 5 years ago but failed to achieve it because of lack of self-discipline. For shame). The reality is that things can get in your way and I figured that you were much less likely to be disappointed at your successive failures to better yourself if you simply avoided making such attempts in the first place.

Last year however I ignored my pessimism and actually made a couple of promises. Please note that what I called pessimism then and still call pessimism now may turn out to be very solid realism. It may hold that we are hard-wired to do what is comfortable and that making such bold statements, like climbing Everest, will only be managed by those few with the ability to defy human nature. That, in essence, is want I want to experiment, but I will come back to that point later. Back to my two New Year Resolutions for 2012: one was to join Karate again (I used to do Martial Arts for about 10 years and wanted to get back into something I was good at) and the other was to record an album. I have written my own songs for a number of years now and have always wanted to get them on to a CD. I reasoned that if I told myself that I would do it, I would be much more likely to, which completely went against my philosophy of the previous years where doing such a thing seemed pointless.

The truth is; I sit here now, a year on, questioning the success of it all. I did join a karate club, paid the initial license fee, bought a gi (the pyjama like suit they wear), passed the first grading, and then quit. I used to be a black belt and knew that I was nowhere near the expected standard so I started again at white belt, only to feel unchallenged. Last year I also managed to record a lot of my songs onto my computer through my web-cam, which in no way counts as recording an album. I did manage at the very end of last year to book my very first gig for January of this year, which is a step forward towards bettering myself, albeit a belated and still somewhat unrelated attempt at achieving my goal.

So in a way I succeeded. But also, in a way, and if I refrain from being in denial, I did not. So should I continue to make targets that I will quite possibly fail at? Or should I revert back to my previous viewpoint that to do such a thing will prove time-consuming, distracting and all the more depressing when one fails to achieve it.

Well this would not much of a blog/book/ramble if I decided to give in to the cynicism that clouds our society, stifles our pub chats and is exponentially expressed by the youth of today*.

I will take on the challenge that the New Year throws at us, by the horns, by the balls, and by anything else that represents a manly acceptance. I will not only be making a New Year’s Resolution. I will be making 12. One to be completed every month, on average. “You’re mad” I hear you cry. “You’re brilliant” I just about hear amongst the applause. Well, that may or may not be true. It is too early to tell. I have only just started. And the truth is: I am already a day late.